This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
