next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
