My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
