i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
