Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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