haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
