My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
