Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
