DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
