I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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