I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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