I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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