Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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