I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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