Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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