I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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