i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
