dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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