So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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