Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
