Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
