guys are not supposed to queef...right?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
