I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
