i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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