Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
