So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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