sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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