why didn't you poke me back
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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