I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
