i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
