You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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