I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize