Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
