woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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