Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
