Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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