I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hippo gnu deer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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