My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
