i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
