laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
