So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You dont lie about slip and slides
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
pray to the hookup gods
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
