I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
