Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
