you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
