What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
