My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
