all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ladies don't puke and tell
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
