You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
