WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
