I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
