I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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