she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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