Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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