It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
