He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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