I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
