If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
