i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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