Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
