Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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