BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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