if i can run in heels then i can drive
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
