he puts the penis in happiness.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
