Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
