I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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