Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
