We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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