I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
