you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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