Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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