guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
